Welcome to Edition #101 of Gorick's newsletter, where Harvard career advisor and Wall Street Journal bestselling author Gorick Ng shares what they don't teach you in school about how to succeed in your career.
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→ Read time: 4 min
STORY
How “The Dress” rocked the internet
Did you know that in 2015, this picture of a dress went viral?
In February of 2015, Cecilia Bleasdale of Scotland went dress shopping in preparation for her daughter’s wedding. She picked out what she thought was a blue dress with black lace, snapped a photo of the dress, and texted it to her daughter, bride-to-be Grace Johnston.
When Johnston shot back saying that the dress wasn’t blue with black lace but white with gold lace, the duo brought their disagreement to the Internet—and instantly went viral.
In the span of 2 days, 4.4 million people tweeted about the image, arguing about the “right” color of the dress.
So, who was “right”—the people who thought the dress was white and gold or the people who thought the dress was blue and black?
Both! According to researchers at NYU, those who saw white and gold typically had more exposure to sunlight (so assumed “the dress was photographed in a shadow”) and those who saw blue and black typically had more exposure to artificial light (so assumed it was “illuminated by artificial light”).
Sure—in actuality, “The Dress” was blue with black lace. But to the people who saw white and gold, the dress really was white and gold, too.
What does this mean for you? The next time you find yourself getting into an argument, remember “The Dress” and know that people’s lived experiences inform their perceptions—and their perceptions can become their own reality.
UNSPOKEN RULE
Be wary of reality conflicts.
In the workplace, situations like “The Dress” happen all the time.
The obvious example is performance evaluations: you think you’re doing well… only to learn that your manager actually thinks you’ve been underperforming.
The less obvious example is when work is delegated: you think you know what your manager asked of you… only spend hours working on the wrong deliverable.
I call these “reality conflicts”: when two people looking at the same situation somehow walk away with different impressions of what happened or what’s important.
So, how do you make sure that you aren’t wasting time doing the wrong work?
Make sure that what you heard matches what others said.
How?
2 ways:
1. If you think you know what your manager said, try saying: “Just to make sure I heard you right: I will ______ this ______, ______, and ______ before ______. Do I have that right?”
- E.g., “Just to make sure I heard you right: I will review this dataset and share the key takeaways with you to make sure we’re on the same page before moving on to the next spreadsheet. Do I have that right?”
2. If you don’t think you know what your manager said, try saying: “I’m reviewing my notes and am not sure I fully caught what you just shared. (I know/think you said ____, but I’m less sure on the rest.) Mind saying it one more time?”
Solving reality conflicts is partly about making sure that you both heard the same message—but it’s also partly about who the messenger is in the first place. Sometimes, words just land differently when they come from a certain person.
This is why, in my book The Unspoken Rules, Chapter 10—Read between the People—I talk about the importance of knowing the “advisers”—people whom your manager and other senior people tend to trust.
So, if you encounter conflict beyond just a simple delegation conversation, it may be time to ask a colleague what this other person cares about or who has the ear of whoever you’re trying to communicate with to see if this third party can whisper in their ear on your behalf.
Sometimes, though, the solution is far simpler if you want the other person to open up: Just ask, “Mind sharing your thought process?”
Be wary of reality conflicts!
—Gorick
What’s an “unspoken rule”? They’re the things that separate those who get ahead from those who stumble—and don’t know why. You can learn more about these rules in the workplace in my Wall Street Journal bestselling book called—you guessed it—The Unspoken Rules.
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Sources:
- In February of 2015, Cecilia Bleasdale of Scotland went dress shopping
- In the span of 2 days, 4.4 million people tweeted about the image
- Two people could be in the same room, viewing the image on the same screen, and see different colors than the other.
- According to researchers at NYU
- “the dress was photographed in a shadow”
- The real blue and black dress was for on sale online.
