Welcome to Edition #16 of Ask Gorick Anything. This AMA is part of Gorick's Newsletter, where Harvard career advisor and Wall Street Journal bestselling author Gorick Ng shares what they don't teach you in school about how to succeed in your career.
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→ Read time: 4 min
ASK GORICK ANYTHING
“How do I overcome my self-doubt?”
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Subscriber’s question:
“How do I overcome my self-doubt?
I’m looking for a new job and it’s been the toughest ride. I’ve tried everything known from applying to networking yet nothing substantial.
I’m starting to doubt whether I’m even capable of anything. (This is catastrophizing but I can’t help it.)
My previous job was at a global company and I did well for a few years but my most recent manager and her manager completely broke down my confidence. I was pushed to resign. To this day I don’t understand why because they never gave me clarity nor feedback when I asked for it. It just felt like “we didn’t get along” even though I was willing to try.
How can I maintain my strength during this time of intense self-doubt while I’m job seeking?”
—Anonymous from Asia
Gorick's response:
Hi “Anonymous”!
First off: Wow, this sounds like quite the emotional roller coaster!
I don’t blame you for second-guessing yourself. You thought you were doing well—and then all of your assumptions were suddenly shattered.
Now, each rejection is only making you wonder if you’ve got some massive flaw that no one ever told you about.
So, what can you do?
First, diagnose what happened. Then, rebuild your confidence.
Why layoffs happen
First, let’s tackle the past.
What I think I hear you saying is that if you could understand why you were laid off, you might have more closure and, therefore, more confidence. Here’s my take: People are laid off all the time, and it’s often for one or more of the following 7 reasons:
1. Your industry wasn’t doing well… so leadership decided to cut costs to stay competitive.
2. Your company wasn’t doing well… so leadership decided to cut costs to stay alive.
3. Your company was doing well, but wanted to cut costs anyway… so laid off (typically more expensive) people—and pursued a strategy of outsourcing, offshoring, automating, or otherwise hiring lower-cost and perhaps younger talent.
4. Your company’s leadership changed its mind… so halted the project you were working on and let the people working on it go.
5. Your manager was jealous of you… so let you go so the spotlight returns to them.
6. Your manager just didn’t like you… so let you go and installed someone they liked more in your place.
7. You underperformed… so the company decided not to keep you around.
The first 4 reasons have nothing to do with you—and everything to do with the macro environment being bad or higher-ups making bad decisions or being indecisive.
The 5th and 6th reasons are somewhat in your control (which is why it’s so important to learn the unspoken rules of the workplace) but could have also been outside of your control (especially if we’re talking about bias and discrimination).
The 7th reason—your performance—is within your control. And even then, just because you underperformed doesn’t mean you suck and have no hope. Maybe you weren’t playing to your strengths or maybe you didn’t like your job very much—so you weren’t motivated to do a good job.
It doesn’t sound like you were an underperformer, but it never hurts to do some self-diagnosis.
Ask yourself: How Competent, Committed, and Compatible was I compared to my other colleagues?
Now, let’s say you have somewhat of a hypothesis of why you were let go (and hopefully, some closure despite the ambiguity). Now what?
How to rebuild your confidence
Even though you were laid off, remember: you were hired for a reason!
Not only that, but you, in your own words, did “well for a few years.” That means that whatever skills, knowledge, asset, networks, and perspective that you have were, in fact, useful in some way. They’re still useful!
If you’re still dwelling over what went wrong (and are struggling to recall anything that went well), retrace everything that happened in your job—back to your very first day—and then ask yourself:
Had I not been involved…
1. What problem wouldn’t have been solved (as well / at all)?
2. What disagreement wouldn’t have been handled (as well / at all)?
3. What decision wouldn’t have been made (as well / at all)?
4. What project wouldn’t have gotten done (in time / on budget / as well / at all)?
5. What perspective wouldn’t have been considered?
6. Which person would have been lost / not been trained / lacked a mentor?
You offered something that no one else could have offered. You’re unique! And you’re still unique.
And by the way: Your next employer wants to hear these stories, so write them down and remember to bring them up in your next job interview whenever you’re asked a question that begins with “Tell me about a time when…”!
The more you rebuild your confidence as it relates to your layoff, the easier it will be to bounce back from other things, too (like being rejected for a job you applied and interviewed for). Remember, rejections are a part of life. Sometimes, it’s really not about you.
See you next Tuesday for a new unspoken rule and next Thursday for another AMA!
—Gorick
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